Getting A Lift

I was on my way to a session with my counselor this morning, and I was a little preoccupied about how the meeting would go. I knew the importance of the session given we’re in the middle of a pandemic and he recommended we meet in person (our previous sessions were via Zoom).

I had about a twenty-minute drive to his office. I connected my phone to my car, put the address into Waze, and toggled over to Spotify.

“What do I want to listen to this morning?”

It’s a little bit frustrating when I have access at my fingertips to almost every song in the history of music and I stumble mentally trying to figure out what to play. I’m a little boring when I am by myself in the car. I tend to stick to playlists from my favorite musicians and bands (Billy Joel, NEEDTOBREATHE, Van Halen, Will Hoge, and, of course, Sister Hazel). I also like to lose myself in 80’s and 90’s rock. Seriously, I can listen to Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind all day.

Then like a whisper, the Holy Spirit prompted me to a Sister Hazel album from 2004.

To say 2004 was a bad year for me is a gross understatement, and I took so much solace in listening to Lift, especially when preparing my father’s eulogy. I can’t claim it as my favorite Hazel album, but I do find it to be the most lyrically mature collection of songs they’ve put out. There’s so much depth to every song, and – if you’ll excuse the pun – the album really lifts me up every time I listen to it.

I got to track nine, Another Me, and I realized what I needed to focus on in my counseling session. This song brought me back to my one-bedroom apartment, the place I called home following the end of my first marriage. As I was dealing with divorce and the death of my dad, I struggled with dark moments and I feel beyond blessed to have come out on the other side of that season.

And I’m waiting for another me
One that can change the pain of yesterday
Carry me through another day
And I’m waiting for another me
One in between the burn
And the lessons learned
‘Cause being me ain’t no way to be

I cannot accurately put into words how much I related to those lyrics sixteen years ago, and I honestly believe this song helped me survive. I mean that in a literal sense.

So as I pulled into my counselor’s office, I was able to discuss with him an event during that time in my life I feel is at the root of the problems I’ve been facing. We’re working on reframing that memory so that it’s still there but no longer triggering me at a subconscious level.

I want to get better. I want to feel better. I want to be better. The only way I’ll achieve that is by exploring what is preventing me from being where I need to be emotionally. God knows this, and His Holy Spirit helped me press play on this new chapter in my life. He lifted me up indeed!

Words for the Road

Back in November when I found out I’d been laid off by Verizon, I posted this on my Facebook page:

I love music and what it means to me. My life has been dramatically changed because of the wonderful friends I’ve met as a result of music. Outside of God, I find most of my strength to persevere through the tough times in music.

As I drove home from Miami tonight listening to my playlists on Spotify, Hard Love by NEEDTOBREATHE came on, and the song got me thinking about how I was unable to accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish while in Miami. Sometimes love – a hard love – gets in the way, and we’re better off counting our losses in retreat than pressing forward and making matters worse.

Life is ups and downs. Sometimes love comes easy, and sometimes loving people is hard. The key is to learn from each of these experiences.

His Showmanship

If you will, indulge me with a little story of art imitating life.

Lee and I went to see The Greatest Showman this evening. It was mesmerizing. The cinematography was brilliant, and I cannot put into words how precise and perfect the choreography in the movie is. Each song is captivating, and the flick is exciting from start to finish. It was simply electrifying. It is one of the best films I’ve seen in a long time, and that is coming from someone who is not exactly a fan of musicals.

There is one scene in particular that captured my attention and, quite frankly, hit close to home. It is where Hugh Jackman‘s character (P.T. Barnum) is trying to persuade Zac Efron‘s character (Phillip Carlyle) to join his venture. Together, they sing the song The Other Side. With the exception of the verses about bargaining, the lyrics spoke to me in a personal way.

Credit @zacefron Instagram

Having recently made the decision to transition to full-time mission work, I heard those lyrics in the context of the conversation I had with God when I wasn’t sure if I wanted to let go of life as I know it. My decision to surrender my future to God was not an easy one, although I do want to emphasize it is a decision my wife and I have made with certainty. Nevertheless, there was a moment when I wrestled with the question and found myself asking God debating with God.

Watching the sequence between Jackman and Efron in the film moved me to tears, and I believe it was a reminder from God to trust in Him so I can live freely.

So with apologies for a couple of ‘damns’ in the song and the aforementioned lyrics about bargaining, I hope you take a listen to the song. Hopefully, it will stir something in you the way it did me.

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[Verse 1: P.T. Barnum]

Right here, right now
I put the offer out
I don’t want to chase you down
I know you see it
You run with me
And I can cut you free
Out of the drudgery and walls you keep in
So trade that typical for something colorful
And if it’s crazy, live a little crazy
You can play it sensible, a king of conventional
Or you can risk it all and see

[Chorus: P.T. Barnum]

Don’t you wanna get away from the same old part you gotta play
‘Cause I got what you need
So come with me and take the ride
It’ll take you to the other side
‘Cause you can do like you do
Or you can do like me
Stay in the cage, or you’ll finally take the key
Oh, damn! Suddenly you’re free to fly
It’ll take you to the other side

[Verse 2: Phillip Carlyle]

Okay, my friend, you want to cut me in
Well I hate to tell you, but it just won’t happen
So thanks, but no
I think I’m good to go
‘Cause I quite enjoy the life you say I’m trapped in
Now I admire you, and that whole show you do
You’re onto something, really it’s something
But I live among the swells, and we don’t pick up peanut shells
I’ll have to leave that up to you

[Chorus: Phillip Carlyle]

Don’t you know that I’m okay with this uptown part I get to play
‘Cause I got what I need and I don’t want to take the ride
I don’t need to see the other side
So go and do like you do
I’m good to do like me
Ain’t in a cage, so I don’t need to take the key
Oh, damn! Can’t you see I’m doing fine
I don’t need to see the other side

[Verse 3:]
[P.T. Barnum]

Now is this really how you like to spend your days?
Whiskey and misery, and parties and plays

[Phillip Carlyle]

If I were mixed up with you, I’d be the talk of the town
Disgraced and disowned, another one of the clowns

[P.T. Barnum]

But you would finally live a little, finally laugh a little
Just let me give you the freedom to dream and it’ll
Wake you up and cure your aching
Take your walls and start ’em breaking
Now that’s a deal that seems worth taking
But I guess I’ll leave that up to you

Project Gratitude – Spot On

At the core of Gil 2.0 – the post-divorce, get life back on track Gil that emerged in 2006 – is music. Specifically, live music. There is something uniquely special about being at a concert, especially if you share that experience with those you love.

But when I can’t be in the audience, I love to put on a good song and let it take me to a particular place and time in my life. This evening, as I was driving home from dropping my son off at his Parkour class, I had a craving for nostalgia. I opened my Spotify app, looked up U2, and listened to the song ‘One‘ as I drove home. It was an escape.

Music on demand is amazing technology, and today I am grateful for my Spotify (and other music listening apps I frequent). To be able to think of a song you want to listen to and then easily listen to it is quite awesome.

I am also thankful for the time I got to spend with Daniel before his class. We normally don’t spend much time together throughout the week, so being able to hang out with him and take him on in a game of FIFA on the PlayStation was a lot of fun. He played as Argentina and I played as Mexico. The games ended in a 2-2 draw.

Once I got home, Lee and I lounged as we caught up on some of the TV shows on our DVR (I think we all should be thankful every day for DVR’s!). And even though the magic of the DVR is that you can skip through the commercials, there is this one commercial for Hulu with a very catchy song, and I had been trying for some time to figure out what song is used in the ad. I paused the commercial, grabbed my phone, and launched the ‘Sound Search’ app by Google. Turns out the tune is ‘Dust My Shoulders Off’ by Jane Zhang. Today I am grateful for the technology that bring such simple joy to my life, and for what is, perhaps, my new favorite song.