Is that my phone ringing? I think that’s my phone ringing.

Being awoken suddenly at 3:00 AM is disorienting, especially when you’re foggy mind is trying to make sense of who can possibly be calling at such a time.

I pressed one eye closed so I can better focus on the caller ID of my cell phone. It read, “Lenny.”

My stomach sank. My mind raced. My heart went into overdrive as my brain instinctively directed my hands to answer the phone.

“Hey, man. <deep pause> Listen ……..”

My brother didn’t have to say anything else. His somber tone and verbal hesitation told me everything I needed to know.


It was barely one week since Lee and I had returned from South Florida after having dropped my mother off at her house. She had visited with us for ten days, a trip that was preceded on the front end with a stop in Tampa so we can all celebrate my daughter’s graduation from the University of South Florida.

My mother fled Cuba in the early ’60s following Castro’s revolution on the island, and she was robbed of the opportunity to pursue a college education. Now, more than half a century later, she was watching her oldest grandchild receive recognition for completion of her Bachelor’s degree. The commencement was virtual as we congregated around a flat-screen at my ex-wife’s house, but the feeling of pride that swelled in her heart was very real. This was her legacy and she was witnessing it first hand.

Seven days following her visit, the Lord called her home.



The cliché is true: You’re never ready for the loss of a parent. It was true in 2004 when my father passed away, even after he battled cancer for two years. It was especially true on the morning of August 27 as I struggled to make sense of what my brother was telling me.

“Mom died. I’m sorry. I …. I ….. I don’t know what to say.”

We had just celebrated her seventy-seventh birthday on August 10th, and now I am struggling to come to grips with the reality of my mother no longer being with us.

I am not sure if hero is the right word. The relationship I shared with my mother can best be described as complicated. I left Miami in 1990 and although I spent twenty-two years in Tampa, a mere four-hour drive away, the moments with my mom were limited. I would try to make the most of every time we were together, but inevitably one of us would run out of patience with the other. As she became older, I knew it was my responsibility to bring as much grace as possible to our relationship, but if you know Cuban culture, you will understand it is not steeped in patience.

Like I said … complicated.

Still, I’ve never met anyone in my life who better personifies the idea of selflessness. I remember as a child my mom staying up late to help me finish poster board projects for school. I remember how she made frugality an art form as she was always able to feed a family of four on a budget, the financial savings always earmarked to provide my brother and me a Catholic school education. I remember how she would routinely go without – new clothes, meals at restaurants, comfortable living – so that I could have what she never had. With my mother, the life experience was never about her. It was always about providing for others. Even in her sixteen years as a widow, she never sought to splurge on herself. She had two sons who could always use some help. She had five grandchildren she was eager to dote on and spoil.


The Space Needle in Seattle is six hundred and five feet tall, and 5,600 tons of concrete were used for its foundation. As a result, the structure can withstand a wind velocity of 200 miles per hour. If being heroic can be described as laying the foundation for what it means to be selfless, giving, meek, humble, and reflective of God’s love, then by every definition of the word my mother was my hero. My ability to be who I am today I owe to what my mother poured into me growing up. She continued to solidify the foundation of my life as a father and husband, and she did it all through her actions.

Then at the resurrection of the righteous, God will reward you for inviting those who could not repay you.Luke 14:14 NLT

In today’s ‘look at me’ society, my mother was an anomaly. She quietly held to her faith and surrendered all her burdens to God. Through the death of her parents and siblings, in my father’s passing, with her breast cancer diagnoses, treatment, and successful recovery; my mother was steadfast in her devotion to our Heavenly Father.

“Si Dios quiere.”

For a woman who never met an anecdotal expression she didn’t like, I am pretty sure her favorite was, “If it’s God’s will.”

And in this time of sadness, as we prepare to honor and remember my mother next week, I surrender all the “what if’s” of my mind to the belief it was God’s will to call her home. Rather than focus on the pain, I choose to focus on all the blessings that have been revealed with my mother’s passing. Little details that only make sense in retrospect. Tiny God-winks that continue to serve as a reminder of His sovereignty over all things and His amazing love for all of us.

In the end, my mother’s heart gave out and she passed away. I like to think it was a heart so full of love, so willing to serve others, so focused on everyone but itself, that God wanted it back home with Him.

I like to think my mother was greeted in His presence with, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

How amazingly heroic is that?

Rest in Peace, Mom. I love you.

Please click here for my mother’s obituary and for information regarding her funeral arrangements.

9 thoughts on “Remembering Cari

  1. Gil, thank you for sharing your mother’s story with us! Your story! She sounds like a beautiful woman. I pray for you and your family through this loss. Hold tight to all of the wonderful memories.

  2. I can’t seem to comment on your actual post, Gil, but I wanted to say that your mom truly is a hero. Your tribute to her is lovely and I’m sure she would adore it. My heart goes out to you in sympathy –

    Love,

    Deb

    Debora M. Coty

    debora@deboracoty.com http://www.DeboraCoty.com Speaker and award-winning author of numerous books including …

    TBTBS for Moms 324×450 TooBlessed365-002 TooBlessedCookbook (450) TooBlessedtobeStressed (450)

  3. Hi Gill so sorry for your loss. Loosing your mom is never easy, but your tribute to her is so beautiful. She is now at peace and with our Heavenly Father . God Bless you and your family.❤️

  4. Oh, Gil, I’m so sorry for this huge, huge loss, but thankful that you know you will see her again in heaven. What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful mother. Her smile shows her joy. How wonderful of God to allow you that last visit and for her to celebrate Natalie’s graduation (and how can that be already?). Those memories will become even more precious now. I’ll be praying for God’s comfort for your family.

  5. Gil, I am deeply sorry to hear about your mom. Cari was such an amazing woman. I still remember her from those days when we were young. She always had a smile when I saw her. As well as your dad, they must both be smiling down on you, your brother and family. They are now your guardian angels. Your words were so moving that they brought me to tears. May she Rest In Peace and Her light shine bright. God bless.

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