A Regretful Retrospective

Shoulda’, coulda’, woulda’. When I look back at all the things not done and all the plans unrealized, I fall back on that old cliché. Shoulda’, coulda’, woulda’.

There was a lot of shoulda’, coulda’, woulda’ for me in 2010. Although I am pleased and proud of the many things Lee and I were able to do last year, I feel the number of items in the SCW pile far outweigh those marked as completed. I know part of the problem is wanting and attempting to do too many things at once. I know another aspect is my self-diagnosed ADD gets me started on plan A and before I know it, I’m wondering what to do with plan E.

If I had to narrow it down, however, I think one of my biggest regrets for 2010 is not finishing the fourth volume of my short novel series. I am sure I can go on for a thousand words with justifications as to why it didn’t happen, but the sad fact remains that Volume IV of Lives remains only a couple of pages into its existence. As I wrote yesterday, I will get this volume completed this year – early this year – but it really should have been done by now.

I look around the house and sigh at all the other things on my to-do list that fell by the wayside in 2010. We never got the home office redone (still a work in progress), we never organized and cleaned up the lanai (which is still littered with plants that were brought in because of the cold), and …. well, the list is just too long to cover.

I can put my finger on all the items listed above, but the one thing from last year that really makes me chagrin is not something tangible.

With all that I do, with anything I write, with any place I visit; it all begins with God. I know God is with me in all that I do. What bothers me most as I look back at 2010 is that I was not always with Him. Physical laziness may keep me from picking up that empty can of diet Coke that’s been sitting there for a week, but spiritual laziness will keep me from achieving everything I want to accomplish this year.

As I look back, it’s very obvious to me that I did not come close to doing my part in my relationship with God. I attended church in 2010 more than I had in the past five years, but it wasn’t nearly enough. There were times where four or five weeks would pass between the services I attended. Lee and I made financial offerings to our church and other charities, but I’ve yet to make giving back to God part of my financial priority. I prayed more in 2010 that I can ever remember, but I still don’t take 15 minutes out of every day to devote to Him.

It’s a bit ironic my single most important improvement from last year is also part of my biggest regret. Having been able to be a part of our church community for a full calendar year – Lee and I only started attending Relevant Church in June of ’09 – was so very rewarding. Still, it opened my eyes to how much further I have to go to be the Christ follower I want to be. To be the worshiper He wants me to be.

So, now that I have this spiritual kick to the butt to drive me, I revert back to my blog entry from yesterday and resolve to make God my priority first and foremost. He is already in all that I do. I pray I find the resolve to honor Him in the way I feel He’s calling me to do. Only then can I honestly know I am living a life with no regrets.

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