They say that the only thing in life that is constant is change. Sometimes change occurs over a long period of time. Sometimes it’s instantaneous. Nevertheless, our lives are dynamic and ever-evolving, and if we’re smart we’ll know how to deal and handle these constant changes. In fact, one of my favorite quotes is, “A person’s ability to adapt is directly proportional to his/her intelligence.”
I don’t know how intelligent I have been the last several weeks, but I can tell you that so many things have and continue to change in my life. No, I’m not talking about new cars or the end of the college football season. I am referring to changes in my heart and in my soul that have me pondering and reflecting on deep and meaningful subjects. It’s like having the rug pulled out from underneath you, and being left to ponder what it truly means to stand up.
For me, the biggest conflict I have is reconciling memories of the recent past with the words and labels I gave to the feelings associated with those memories. I have no regrets about what happened and, consequentially, where I am today. Rather, I struggle to understand and I hesitate what to do with those memories of ‘absolute certainty’ that turned out to be not. Words like ‘soul mates’ and ‘destiny’. Concepts like ‘perfect love’ and ‘happy accidents’. These words and ideas made up the archetypal framework of my emotions. They were the roots that held up the oak tree of my soul.
I’m not going to sit hear and lie to you and say that my emotional skyscraper lies in ruins. I am not going to pretend that my majestic timber was felled and toppled. True, there was a painful process I underwent – and in a way am still going through – to realize and accept that what was once so certain is now no longer. But the real dilemma is the perplexing sense of just “Hmmmm. That sucks. Ok, now what?”
For example. You ever go to a theme park where there is a ride that is just ultra-hyped? “You gotta’ ride ‘The Cavern of Mystery’, dude! It’s totally awesome! You’ll never want to get off.” So you go and pay $85 dollars to get in, only to spend 4 hours in line in 110 degree weather. Then, when you finally get on the ride you realize the hype was just that, hype. So you’re left with a puzzled look on your face, shoulders all shrugged up, and your mind asking you, “Is that really all that was?” Makes you wonder if you’re friends really know the meaning of the word ‘awesome’.
That’s kinda’ where I find myself right now. What IS a soul mate? Was I right about what I thought it was? Was I right about WHO I thought it was? Am I still? Do I even care? It’s just a word after all, isn’t it? And destiny? Does that really exist? Are we all on some predetermined course of life, love and happiness? Do we have any control over anything?
For the record, those where all rhetorical questions. Furthermore, I think we all need to define and ‘label’ our feelings, experiences, and the people with whom we share them. Friend, buddy, girlfriend, lover, fuck-buddy, soul mate. It all needs to make sense to us, and when we find that it no longer makes sense, we get lost, scared and confused.
But not to worry, because life has a way of making things happen. And we owe it all to that little thing we like to call change. Friends become girlfriends. Buddies become brothers. Soul mates become memories. We can’t fight change. Change is going to happen. The only thing we can do is control how we react to it and how much we allow ourselves to accept it. If you’re lucky, you’ll be smart in how you go about accepting change in your life. If you’re really lucky, you’ll realize that change is exactly what you needed.