Deliberations

Let me begin by saying that in no way is this entry meant to poke fun at the mental condition of Multiple Personality Disorder.  That disclaimer having been said, you gotta’ admit there is something intriguingly cool about MPD.  It’s like being your own best friends.

And I do not believe that we all have just one personality.  I think we all have varying aspects of our persona that come out in some shape, way or form as situations dictate.  We can’t always be strong and stoic.  We can’t always be confident and wise.  Our personality is determined by our immediate environment, and one can only hope that immediate environment is as stable and static as possible.

I know I have multiple personalities ……… and I keep them all on speed dial.  <Hey, you heard that joke here first>.  So in the interest of the he said/he said conversations in my head, I would like to share a transcript, if you will, of a recent mental go-around that I had.  Please try to keep up.

“This sucks.  I have done everything that I’ve had to, everything that I can think of, and still nothing has changed.”

“You have to be patient.  Just like you can’t fight fate, you also cannot rush it.”

“But if I don’t rush it, it won’t come along!”

“Do you really believe that?”

“Do I have a reason not to believe that?  Hello! Have you been looking at the calendar?”

“Good point.  But still.  You’ve come this far.  You have to believe it will happen.”

“I want to believe.  I want to be patient.  I want to be ….. admirable.  But how much waiting is too much waiting?”

“If it’s worth it, there is no such thing as too much waiting.”

“But what about the flip side of this coin?  Am I not worth it?  Have I not proven myself over and over?  I have given MY 100%, haven’t I?”

“It’s not always about you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know what it’s like to give and give and give and get shutout at the end.”

“Are you really being shut out?  Don’t you understand it’s not that simple?  It’s not a matter of just being nonchalant about it.”

“But it should be a matter of being ‘matter-of-fact’, don’t you think?”

“Unlike you, I DO think.”

“HEY!!”

“Ha Ha”

“Yeah, well I think that unless I do something, I will be stuck in this situation forever.”

“You can do what you want, just understand it would be a calculated risk with consequences to be had.”

“Calculated?  Why don’t you just say what you mean?”

“What I mean is that you should remind yourself that there are other people’s feeling involved in all of this.  Would you want those close to you hurt for your own benefit?”

“I HAVE hurt those close to me for my own benefit.  That’s kinda’ the whole point!”

“You’re such a drama queen!”

“You should know considering you’re the one that spends all your time watching those crappy, reality-TV shows.”

“I told you not to call them crappy.  They are somewhat sub-par unscripted dramas!”

“Oh! OK! Because THAT makes them better.”

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, a glimpse into my psyche.  Not to worry, I am sure your therapist can prescribe something to make the images go away.  If not, give me a call.  I have a cabinet chock-full-a pills.

<ring>

“Hello?  Sybil?  Hey, how have you all been?”

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