I would be lying if I said that I do not find inspiration for my blog entries from movies. It’s been quite a while since I have been compelled to write after watching a film, probably because I have ignored my NetFlix membership for the better part of two months now. Yet I find it fitting that I just now got around to watching the one movie that was shipped to me on August 1. Yes, AUGUST 1! Sure I’ve been lazy, busy, whatever……. but I think I know why coincidence let me sit on this movie until now.
In the past several months, I have written about women in my life and all the trials and tribulations that have come with these relationships. I have made mention of reserving a spot at the top of my list for a special someone. I have apologized to a long list of individuals, some willing to forgive and others eager to forget. I have talked about the heartache I have faced and the corresponding heartache I have created. And I realized tonight that I have failed to make one point perfectly clear.
At the end of every business case there is usually a section or index reserved for assumptions. These are items that ‘go without saying’. An assumptions section is a way to formally state the obvious just to ensure that all parties involved are on the same page. No surprises, no show stoppers. What you see is what you get.
Then is should go without saying that the single most important woman in my life is not my KML. It’s not my ex-wife Alexandra or my friend Leelee. It’s not my mom (because that would be just a little to Norman Bates-ish!), and it’s not any women I have met over the past 13 months. When it comes to double-X’ers, the only one I know that I absolutely cannot live without is my baby girl Natalie.
I can’t believe I have not written about her before. I mean, I know I have, but I really have not written about her. I have not taken the time to put into words, or attempt to at least, the thoughts, feelings and emotions I feel when I look into my daughter’s eyes. I won’t even try because it’s something that cannot be explained. It’s spectacularly rewarding yet universally humbling at the same time. It’s everything you never imagined you could possibly feel.
And I feel I never wrote about her in detail because in my mind it was, and always will be, understood that there is nothing of greater importance to me than my kids. I know I have been quoted as saying that part of me loves them because I have to (as a parent). But I have to love them because loving them means living life. Looking into Natalie’s eyes, holding her so perfectly in my arms, hearing her sweet, innocent voice say, “I love you, daddy.” …….THAT’S what it’s all about. That is the meaning of life. To be loved by your soulmate is incredible, but to be loved by a child …. by YOUR child …. goes beyond spiritual. Like I said, I cannot even begin to properly describe it.
My Natalie turned six this past Wednesday (10/12). So it’s no surprise that fate and circumstance delayed me from watching the movie I Am Sam until just now. It served as a reminder that there is nothing more special and important than a parent’s love for her/his child. More specifically, a father’s love of his daughter. Not that I needed to be reminded, but I did need that little karmic push to proclaim it to the world.
Natalie ….. baby girl. I love you without limits. No wall can hold back my love and adoration of you. No army can defeat the strength I find in my love of you and my responsibility to you. No ocean can contain the volume of emotions I carry in my heart for you. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are compassionate, and you are a gift from God. You are my daughter, and I am so proud of the little lady you have become and the glorious woman you will be in the future. I am so blessed to call you my own, and to have the ability to shout this fact out to anyone who will listen (or in this case, read). And I am truly blessed to be able to tell you everyday how much I love you.