Are you Bleep’n Kidding Me?

I’m back!!

OK, OK.  I know this hiatus was short lived (again), but I’m in a pissy mood and I need to vent.  I am sure it’s no surprise that the source of my flaring nostrils is the double-X’ers about which I am usually waxing so eloquently.  But this little situation has nothing to do with broken hearts and shattered dreams, and has everything to do with that annoying and hypocritical female sense of self-righteousness.

Let me sum it up for you in two words.  Martha Burke.  Yes, the same ignoramus Martha Burke that tried to impose her political agenda and narrow minded will on Augusta National Golf Club.  As if allowing women to play Augusta would improve the well being and living conditions of women across the nation.  Listen up, pumpkin-tits …… I’m a guy and I can’t play at Augusta.  About 98% of the United States cannot play at Augusta.  It’s a term called exclusivity, and right, wrong or indifferent, it is something that is well within the rights of a PRIVATE club to do.

My apartment is a PRIVATE residence.  If I have a party and choose to invite only guys (which of course I would never do because really, who deliberately sets out to host a sausage-fest?), or if I choose to only invite the many Indian residents of this complex  <pause> …… yeah, like THAT will ever happen ………no one has the right to MANDATE to me who I need to include in my private party!

So now Ms. Hasn’t Been Laid Since LBJ has her size 48 knickers in a twist about the new television ad campaign for the NHL.  Did this woman even look at the ad, or did she merely have her granola-eating, carpet-muncher of an assistant throw a dart at a list of new crusades for the week?  I mean, seriously?  You have got to see the ad to understand why I am just amazed at the audacity of this woman.

According to espn.com, the ad was produced by the NHL as one of five “Inside the Warrior” series spots.  Burke and the NCWO claim the ad is offensive because it shows a bare-chested hockey player being dressed by a “scantily clad woman.”  Huh?  Does Martha even know what the phrase ‘scantily clad’ means?  I’ve seen the ad.  I’ve looped it on my Windows Media Player for 15 minutes straight to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Keep in mind it’s only a 30 second spot.  There is NOTHING offensive about it at all.  The woman is wearing PANTS, first of all, and a camisole top that is modest in comparison to what Brandi Chastain displayed in the 1999 Woman’s World Cup.  If anything, the ad is offensive to Ridley Scott as it is clearly inspired by the theme of his movie Gladiator.

Gladiator? ………..You’re damn right he was!

But bad jokes aside, the woman in the TV spot is not scantily clad.  You want to see scantily clad?  Go to your nearest mall.  Step into a Hollister or A&F store.  You want to see scantily clad?  Turn on MTV.  You want to make a difference for women, Martha?  Protest the Britney’s and Christina’s of the world that promote half-nudity as a way of life.  Protest shows like “The Simple Life” that glamorize no talent idiots and make celebrities out of spoiled, rich kids who’s only claim to fame is a last name and a penchant for having sex on camera.  Why haven’t you spoken out against these ‘offensive’ entities?

I know why.  Because in these cases women are getting rich.  The ladies are walking away with the bling and the cash.  So long as a woman gets her ‘fair share’ of the pie, it’s all good.  But as soon as an all-male or mostly-male entity like the NHL exploits a woman, stop the F’n presses and burn the F’n bras.  We have the vaginal equivalent of a jihad on our hands.

Look, lady.  Give up the ‘Holier-than-though’ crap and go away.  I know you’re stepping down as chair of the NCWO on November1, and that day can’t come soon enough.  Also, you’re quoted on espn.com with regards to the NHL ad as saying, “One person’s objectionable is another person’s bottom line.”  As I pointed out above, that door swings both ways.  And speaking from a position about which you have no expertise – that is as the parent of a daughter – I find Britney’s MILF in Training T-shirts more offensive and more damaging to the future of my little girl than a flip’n hockey ad!!  You want to make a difference for women?  Lose the political agenda and focus on REAL issues!

Oh….and iron my F’n shirt while you’re at it!

To view the ad via Window Media Player, click here.

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