Movies suck! Never mind the fact that my dream is to write one. But nevertheless, movies suck. Why? For the same reason I was mad the other night with my boy Kevin Smith. They make us think too much. Now I know normally this is a good thing. But sometimes movies, and life events, can just leave us sitting in our couches shaking out heads with nothing but Pop Tart dust on our shirt. Or maybe that’s just me.
Just finished watching “13 going 30” starring Jennifer Garner (Yes, I am a Net Flix junkie). First of all, mad props to Jen. She is soooooooo hot! Secondly, I like the fantasy premise of seeing your mistakes ahead of time and correcting them before they happen. But am I the only one bothered by the idea of two people who meet and fall in love at the age of 13 living happily ever after? Wait a minute! This story sound eerily familiar.
Without going into great detail, I can say that I wholly relate to the subject matter. Getting way too involved way too young. Looking at that scenario from my current perspective, all I can do is shake my head and grab another pop tart. Life has taught me that it’s not a good idea to allow yourself to get into a serious, committed relationship until you are at least …… 45. I’m kidding, but not by much.
See, there is just too much life to experience, too many things to see and too many people to meet to close doors at an early age. Who we are at 20 is not who we will be at 35. And although I agree the logic holds true to say that who we are at 35 is not who we will be at 50, it is safe to say that we gain maturity and a greater sense of stability as we get older. So we are at 35 is closer to who we will be at 50 than who we were at 20. …… Huh?
My point is this. Love, intimacy and passion are difficult to cultivate at a time when our ambitions, desires and overall direction are sophomoric at best. We are wise fools coming out of high school and entering ‘the real world’. This is not to say that it can’t be done. But I have learned that we should learn to be ourselves first. Grow comfortable with who we are and what we like (and dislike). Learn to be independently happy before we try to share and make happiness with someone else.
I learned this the hard way. And I have learned to appreciate what it takes to make a relationship work. See, it’s all about the magic. Think of magic as sugar. You go to the store and buy a bag of sugar. With every dig, every thing you let slide, every quirk that drives you crazy, there is a tiny tear in the bag. A pin prick that opens a hole in your magic. And you get half way home and realize you no longer have a full bag of sugar. And you can’t go back and recover all the granules you lost, either.
The secret, in my opinion, is to be meticulous with the bag. To take the time and make every effort to care for the bag. If you find a tear, drop EVERYTHING you are doing and fix it. Because once you lose the magic in a relationship, you can never get it back. Kinda’ like brain cells. And I don’t think that we can, at such a young age, adequately provide the care and attention our individual sugar bags require.
Everyone is different and everyone has their unique magic number by when they will be truly ready to commit and love someone without limits (for my daughter that number is, again, 45). And I doubt there is a high-schooler out there who will read this and think, “Wow. This guy is right! I am going to listen to him.” But I do hope that those of you who do read this and have kids of your own encourage them to live their lives and enjoy their youth. To open as many doors and windows as possible before they settle down. Because unlike Jennifer’s character in the movie, we can’t go back and make things right again.