I’m sitting here a week removed from one of the worst nights in my life. From one of those nights that can be either a soul crushing event or a reaffirming moment. Or perhaps it was a little bit of both.
So I sit here thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. Numbing my mind with playoff football, yet opening the flood gates of my emotions, torturing myself as I try to figure things out. To be honest, there is not much to figure out. The torture is in waiting. The struggle is in being patient as I wait for events to transpire.
This past week was a reset week for me. A reset of my feelings, fears, desires and concerns. And although this past week was healthy for me, it’s still tough knowing that so much still has to happen in order for things to be ‘right’. Sting sang, “If you love someone, set them free.” That’s the irony of the situation. In order to realize that ‘right’ moment, I have to learn to let go. I have to be willing to set that love free. I have to reset my emotions and feelings and learn to let fate take its course. I have to stop living my life in the memories of yesterday or the dreams of tomorrow, and I need to start living it day by day.
I have to be supportive and understanding. Empathetic and positive. Believing and patient. I have to change the way I express my resolve and my belief of what I want in life. Instead of a full court press, I need to play a soft zone. Instead of tugging on the line so hard, I need to let the wind take the kite where it will. Instead of turning up the heat in hopes of cooking the meal in half the time, I need to set the timer and just wait for it to be done. And with that, I am officially out of analogies!
Ironically enough, I draw on the words of Ken Brock as I look back on that night in Orlando and the seven days that have passed since. “So I wait and I wait / And I run old scenes through my tired head / Of the days we laid by the school and said forever / Was that the best I’ll ever be” I know now the best is still to come, and the waiting and the patience is what will make it all possible.
KML…..I understand now. Thank you for being so understanding and patient with me.